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[Guest]

I wonder why some one would take the trouble just to lie? Just doesnt make sense to me. I am who I am. I cant change to be someone I'm not. This is a puzzlement to me, as I have always been honest and without thinking, I believe the people that I do meet through friendship, will also be honest with me

[Guest]

In my opinion, no one should play mind games. Everyone should always be sincere and have integrity. You should always be natural and be yourself. One should always be kind, caring, and compassionate, in any kind of communication and relationship. You cannot have a relationship without respect and trust on both sides, be it friendship or soul mates.

For those of you who are seeking to find your soul mate, here...you should take to heart the following;...love is patient, love is kind, love is not self-seeking, love forgives, love accepts the person just the way they are...inspite of their faults, love is random act of kindnesses, love is bring out the best in each other, love is sharing, love begin there for each other...in good times and in bad, love is being faithful, love is making memories together, love is forever...

[Byrd1960]

I've learned as I've gotten older that to be "in like" is really as important or sometimes more important, than being "in love". To have a friendship where you really "like" each other as friends is wonderful! The acceptance of who each of you are and the acceptance of each other's "foibles"! Friends can talk, laugh, cry, accept. If people worked as hard at the relationship as they did in "catching" that person, there would be a lot less divorce. All couples should always treat each other like they're still dating, putting in the effort to take care of themselves and their partner. But, alas, it seems that too many nowadays, put in the effort only to change after they've won the affections of the person they were dating.......so sad. That is why I find it so hard to trust and let myself be "me". When I am myself, it seems to be not what a lot of men want and I'm sure there are men who feel the same......but, there is always hope Good luck to all in their search for happiness!

[dustyrose]

i have had my fill of game players, drama, & stupid crap,
I like the both of you enjoy great friendships & trust, people should respect others, & if there online to play games with people they should not be on

[REMwoman]

Maybe I'm in a minority here but I can't see the point of mind games if your wish is to make a new friend or a new partner.
I believe that a friendship and a partnership must be built on an honest foundation, especially when communicating with people online when you cant see their faces or interpret their body language.
If you make a friend or find a partner and find that what they tell you is not true, then that friendship or partnership is doomed before it starts, because there will be no trust.
I am new to online friendships but I have been in this club for 2 months and have made many good friends, mainly I believe because I have always been honest and said how I felt, as have my friends.

I completely agree with this. Most of my friendships/relationships that "went wrong" did so because I couldn't be sure that the other person was being honest. If you catch someone out in one lie...well, how many more were there? Of what magnitude. Of course, I am not referring to tact where you may not state your whole unvarnished opinion on something, but if asked directly, the truth will out!

[REMwoman]

In my opinion, your strength of character is displayed by how you treat others. If the "game" is being played, what other character flaws are behind the facade?

How to define 'character flaws' can be a huge struggle. I have recently discovered that someone I trusted completely has been doing things for years that he doesn't want others to know about. Consequently, he tries his best to ensure that no-one knows what he does. He calls this self-protectiveness 'privacy'. I call it lack of character, because because he is doing things that he believes ought to be hidden, and in order to do so and not suffer the consequences of people knowing who he really is, he lies and deceives.I call these character flaws, especially the lying. You can imagine that we don't see eye to eye on this.

[HawkeyeBill]

Icant stand mind games, being very direct and honest my self,, I just cant believe the experences I have had in the past couple of years, and that coming from Seniors as this site is supposed to be for. I guess they never change and sometimes we realize too late what is happening . Then I say run as fast as you can because this will be an ongoing problem. and who needs it at our age.

You got my vote.Well said.

[Tumble60]

I have never seen the point in playing mind games. I am an open person and always say it as it is. In other words what you see is what you get. Why pretend to be something that you are not. How can there be any trust in a relationship if you are not sure if you are being 'strung' along. Anyway are we not a little to mature to behave like teenagers. Surley by now we all know how important trust is.

[newsong]

This is a topic that seems to be on most Internet dating sites that I have looked at. I have not really done any Internet dating since every time I have thought about it or come close, I have chickened out. But, having been single a long time - the best advice I can give is, don't be needy. Everyone has their reasons for what they do or do not do. Would you rather have someone call you out of obligation just because he said he would? I think that quite often people have a hard time being truthful face to face and will say what you want to hear, and then they avoid you for their own reasons.If the relationship is new - why get into any drama? Who needs it?  Avoidance is actually a personality type. In addition, in a new relationship, we do not know what is going on in another person's life - or in their heart.

Maybe they are afraid, in love with an ex, saw something in you that raised a red flag. Maybe they are tired of trying to sell themselves to someone with all the wrappings of being fun, fit, fantastic and financially secure. Who knows? I think the best we can do is stay strong, warm, positive and if they do not do as they say - then walk away and be thankful it did not progress any further. As far as outright deception such as lying about being married, and various other things - cultivate your intuition and listen to it. Even long term marriages require an intuitive sense of what is going on in the relationship. Relationships are based on interdependency and there is a fine line between dependency and total independence in order to maintain that balance of interdependency. The more confident you are as a person, the more able you will be to avoid the dependency and walk away with your self esteem intact.

[newsong]

The funny thing about mind games - who is going to admit to it in a forum? it seems to be a global problem, yet we all hate the concept. What does it mean? Lying, intentional infliction of emotional pain, pretending to like someone when you don't? Pretending to be what you are not? Bailing on what you say you will do? Changing your mind? Running for the hills? Put downs? Control? Manipulation? Guesswork? Selling only the bright side? Showing only the good side? Everyone hates mind games, but the main definition is when someone does or says something that does not meet our expectations. Where to begin...don't photoshop your pics or put ones from 20 years ago. Don't lie about your weight (oops I think I might have). Don't say you like classical music if you hate it. Don't claim to like mountain climbing if you can't walk three blocks. But then there are the omissions - like the ex who is still your very best friend - or the kids who still depend on you for everything. I believe in being totally honest, but am not so naive as to believe that any of us are.

[Northernsmile]

I agree with all that has been said above. I too am fairly new to this on line meeting idea and really have to trust my own intuition because I tend to believe everything anyone tellls me the first time. If I find out someone has lied to me I just don't speak to them again, My choice. I have never been that great at games anyway, Like some of the quotes above, what you see is what you get, that's me. My first experience was someone who was a scammer, and by the time I had given out too much info I had to think fast and get out. I was lucky and haven't heard from him since, and notice he's not on the site anymore. I now am more cautious but don't want to lose hope. I want to be able to trust as I go through this life, I find when I don't trust people that I am the one that gets hurt in the long run. I really enjoy the friendships that can be made on this technology and want to make more friends. The more I age, the more experiences I have which all help me to make the correct decision for me. I am really enjoying just getting to know other people from around the world and my expectations are realistic now.

[starkitkat]

Would not it be a perfect world if there were no mind games? Boy meets girl or the other way around, exchange numbers, boy calls girl, they meet up and share a wonderful time & they live happily ever after...but unfortunately this is rarely the case.

From my personal experience the most favourite (and at the same time a very annoying ) game is the the so called 'phone' game.
You meet someone you like and he promises to call. You keep waiting and at the meantime you instictively know that the call will never materialze...

My other favourite one is when asked about their earlier relationships, they never answer in a straightforward manner. They try to avoid the questions if you ask about your own relationships like "where it is heading" and you are rest assured that you won"t get any simple and clear-cut answer. You just never know where you stand.

And last but not least there is the "silent treatment" game where silence is the symptom of a bigger war. They won't tell you 'was los ist' they just simply avoid you for days or keep speaking to you in simple 2 'syllabile' (sorry for spelling) sentences...

Any thoughts on this?

I have experince a lot of on line people who say they are who they are, but they are not who they claim to be. So what I learn and stick to it as well. It all words that we tend to fall for, words on the net, words on the phone, words by e mails, words by other means, so I don't fall for words. Not until something solid and concrete happen then the atmosphere change, let that atmosphere change and see where it is heading, are you happy with it? or are you not satified? If you are not satified, then move on, end it so that you are not the one that is being hurt. Silent treatment as far as I am concern is the worst kind of mind games going, whether it netwise or real life, but some don't mind silent treatment because you can do the same in return, so it a two way street. Silent treatment can end in a nasty way, so put up your guard if it is leading that way and end it right away so it won't affect you and your life

It is our choice to end those who play those mind games and move on, let them stuffer the consquences of their own actions and don't let it hurt your feelings because it is you that put an end to it all. Those who plays mind games will suffer themselves in their games, it their "Jolly" time, something that they are lacking with their partner, whether in marriage or common law, or just what ever situation it is in, they are seeking more than what they are getting at home or else where.

If they are avoiding the question that you give them, then they are not worth thinking about, again it time to end it and move on.

BUT there are people out there that are for real, they do care and don't play mind games and do come up with an answer, but if they fail with it, and give you a reasonable doubt, then allow it, but if it happen to offen then, again, end it and move on.

[GentleDove]

Re Mind Games: I have run in to enough of these over the years, that I can spot/sense them almost immediately, which has become, to me, a HUGE turn-off, to the point that I would rather live alone the rest of my life than be in this kind of environment/relationship! Upfront, transparency, honesty turns me on, whether in a friendship or a relationship!

[Sara_Vanskaya]

All these mind games are just The Crying Game. Watch this movie and listen to the song ...about the crying gam. once again. That's all i want to say