. : Forums

[wolfie13]

please may i say something about why i joined this site, and my wants, to be totally honest with you all, i joined to find new chat friends, and to give me a way to safely get to know other people, who are "getting on" for want of a better expression, i have been in a couple of chats where it rapidly deteriorates into child like stupidity, but your chats are not only entertaining but i can "feel" that everyone so far in my 3 days there lol are pretty much the same as me, have a chat with friends, have a little stupid giggle, but i dont see no malice or intended nastyness, which should be praised,
now for my wants, thats simple, i personally am not looking for a life partner, just people i can talk too and who can talk to me about anything, im pretty sure i have found this here, so thank you all for that, you wont ever realise what it means to me,
for those who feel they need to have a partner, then i really do wish them their desire, and hope it happens,
id like to finish this by saying, NEVER give up looking or searching for your dreams, no matter what they are or how long it takes, you will eventually find the thing your searching for.
thank you for reading this and hope to chat sometime.
wolfie. xx

[RosesLady]

The poem was very good Justin!!!

I think in many ways men and women want the same things when you take sexual attraction out of the equasion. We want to be appreciated for our unique differences, our minds, our feelings.....who we have become, not what we look like or can do for the opposite sex.

But I think too, in a lot of ways we really don't know what we want, but when we see that special someone we will know they are meant for us. Or we hope we will know. Does that make any sense??

[Justinpeelthefirst]

sexism?

sexism?

lol

you object?

lmao

[Graham1]

This is a healthy debate Justin and I feel that you can't generalise what men or women want and state that Hawkeye Bill's lady friends on POF are the "wrong type of women".
How can we say they are wrong to look for different qualities in men?
My feeling was that if if you imply that you know what women want, you are in danger of offending women who want something different.
I am merely Devil's Advocate in defence of the rights of the "wrong type of women".

[Justinpeelthefirst]

to graham

Ok.. dont delete this responce this time...

First....

It's funny how every woman who has commented on the poem to me has told me it hits it right on the head.

And here you come along and say it's sexism....

Explain to me what is sexist about it...

If you actually read it with an open mind, and not a pre-disposed prejudice, you would see that it's really a simple message.. see me for who i am.. not for who you want me to be..

I just did it with a flourish...

So what is sexist about that?

Are you right and all the other women wrong....

Didn't you earlier respond agreeing that the poem applied to both men and women?

go back and read your previous post to the poem...

so again...

explain yourself...

what is sexist about it???

[RosesLady]

Graham.....I have to ask too......what do YOU mean Graham????

"My feeling was that if if you imply that you know what women want, you are in danger of offending women who want something different." And that would be whom, Graham??? Not one woman here has disagreed with Justin??? The women here understand and like Justin's peom. Even several of the men as well.

So who are you being devil's advocate for Graham??? Yourself?? Sexist?? What is sexist about what Justin wrote?? I don't understand Graham, whom you mean??? Please explain??

[beausoleil]

Love your quote about """NOT GIVING UP""" I always will search for that sparkle..

thank u for the courage to search again.. 

[samac7]

I agree Rose I don't find it sexist at all, simply stating the obvious to see a person for who He  OR  She  is, that is the best way to truly know someone.  I don't think Justin was insulting anyone about "the wrong type of women"  simply implying  not the type of woman being searched for!   Peace.

[Graham1]

I think its a little sad when I hear what women want and what men want, as we are all individuals who have different needs.
Not all women are the same as not all men are the same so I object to this sexism.

If you read my post carefully you will see that it's a generalisation of people saying "what women want" or "what men want" which is assuming that women and men want different things and this is often not the case. I had no problem with Justin's poem which I though was well written, but I do object to the reinforcement of male and female stereotypes in society in general, which is a form of sexism. I think most people of either sex look for truth, honesty and trust in both friends and partners.
The forum is a place for healthy debate on many different subjects and I was expanding on the general topic rather than commenting on the first posting. If the discussion topic is "what women want", is what men want any different?

[sheilaz]

That is an amazing poem, Justin. This happened to me, on this site, when I was new and feeling particularly vulnerable. So yes, that poem speaks volumes. I really like and trust many people in the chat room, it's a great facility and you do get a measure of people, but if I leave the room swiftly you'll know why.
Graham is right in that it could apply the other way around, but I don't believe it is at all sexist to have written the poem with that title, it was recognising the subject of the poem.
If I wrote about the vulnerabilities of living in a town, would that mean I didn't think the same could apply in the countryside? Sexism is worth debating, but it's a shame if it detracts at all from what is a profound and moving poem.
Thankfully, I still believe that there are a lot of good men out there, and many of them on this site.
However, women who are looking for true gentlemen, as opposed to sex without emotion, are in a vulnerable position. Just being approached, and using energy to recognise the wrong person, can leave one feeling abused (& I mean that), depressed about the future, cynical regarding other members, and worst of all, bring back thunderously the raw grief of only wanting the man who is no longer here. I had my ability to cope ruined in one evening. This type of vulnerability surely is more weighted against females, although men should proceed with caution too.
Great poem.

[wolfie13]

Sheilaz, i just read your post, and i liked how you ended with men should be careful too, that shows some ladies DO appreciate that men have same feelings as women, and some are just as sensitive and so open to hurt, but i think im right in saying the society and way people EXPECT men to behave, ie tough, strong, seemingly hard, seems to cover mens feelings up,
I must be one of those men that are put down, because i have no fear in showing my hurt, when i get hurt, but i do have an uncanny knack of picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting on with things, cautiously, but still.
thats my rave over now lol, just thought what you said was spot on and wanted to emphasise men have the feelings too my friend,
catch you all in chat soon.
wolfie.

[Justinpeelthefirst]

lol graham..

almost a good save..

you "save" responce is different than.. " a healthy debate:.

You said it was "offensive sexism"

thats a pretty strong statement, rather than a healthy debate.

anyway..

enough of this banter between you and I.

we will agree to disagree.

ok with you?

[Graham1]

I dont know what you mean by "save" Justin as it was implied that my initial comment referred to your poem when it was a generalisation of the topic. I was just expanding the theme of what women or men want and my objection was to the assumption in some parts of society that men didnt want the same things. If you do not agree with this then we must agree to differ. As Ive said before, I think your poem was well written.

[Dria2000]

Have read the poem a couple of times Justin, and yes, I think it's very good. I suspect most men want the same thing, to be accepted for who they are, not up for remodelling, remoulding into some dream partner. If you don't like what you see, who you get to know, then obviously we're not meant to be together, it doesn't mean either of us is 'wrong'. But, you have to get to know the real person, it takes time and effort. There is nothing wrong with a superficial relationship, but that's all it is, and if both parties want only that, then it is fine. However, if you want to build a real relationship, a strong commitment, then both have to really listen, pay attention and accept, not just tolerate the differences that will be there. Yep, I think you're saying what many of us believe to be what we want, not just women, but men too.

[akakakes]

As only you can write Justin.. Thank You....