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In the fascinating world of interpersonal relationships, the power of attraction plays a decisive role.
Does the person who meets our expectations and desires truly exist? What guides us in choosing a partner? Why do we fall in love with a specific person? The subtle art of partner selection often encompasses conscious and unconscious aspects that influence our decisions. Let's take a closer look.
What are we naturally attracted to?
Our emotions and subconscious mind play a crucial role, including experiences from childhood. Frequently, prescribed patterns and childhood experiences shape the type of people who attract us. Examples from our parents or other significant figures in relationships deeply imprint on our subconscious. Added to this is a sense of security: Nostalgia related to familiar situations often leads us to people resembling those we had contact with in our childhood and adolescence. This can create a reassuring environment. Just like the lessons learned from past relationship experiences: Based on them, we can develop preferences that help us find the characteristics that truly matter to us.
We also seek the person who symbolizes the ideal partner: Our desires and dreams often reflect in the qualities and values we attribute to that person. Throughout our lives, we search for people who best embody these ideals (sometimes without finding them). Recognizing our needs and expectations from our partner is crucial. Self-awareness helps us make informed decisions. Openness and smart decision-making are tools that can help avoid repeating unconscious patterns. Finally, we should remain open to new experiences! This contributes to building a more balanced relationship.
Do Opposites Really Attract?
The expression "opposites attract" is often used to describe relationships where two people who seem very different are drawn to each other. However, the idea that opposites attract is more of a romantic cliché than a universal rule. In reality, the foundations for a successful relationship can be diverse, and compatibility in some aspects is just as important as complementarity.
The notion that two different partners complement each other can vary depending on perspective. Some argue that different partners complement each other by bringing different skills, perspectives, or personality traits into the relationship. This can create balance and allow partners to enrich each other by learning from one another. On the other hand, some believe that fundamental similarities in values, goals, and interests are a guarantee of a strong relationship. Compatibility in these aspects can contribute to a deeper understanding and a stronger connection.
It's important to note that harmony in a relationship depends on many factors, and there is no one-size-fits-all formula or "magic formula" that works for everyone. Some couples thrive on their differences, while others flourish due to their similarities. Good communication, mutual understanding, and respect are key elements in any relationship, regardless of how similar or different the partners are.
While opposites can attract, a certain level of complementarity can also be beneficial. For example, an extroverted and introverted person can complement each other in different situations.
What Really Matters:
Shared Interests: Sharing similar interests can be a crucial factor in establishing and maintaining a strong connection. This promotes mutual understanding and facilitates participation in common activities.
Shared Values: Once again, fundamental values such as beliefs, moral principles, and life goals are often crucial for building a lasting relationship.
Good Communication: We've touched on this subject before—effective communication is crucial in any relationship! Whether individuals are similar or different, the ability to understand, listen, and express oneself is essential. Let's talk about our wishes, plans, and be ready to listen to each other.
Mutual Respect: Mutual respect is fundamental. Regardless of differences, each partner needs to respect the other's individuality and appreciate their unique qualities.
Relationship Evolution: Relationships evolve over time, and the dynamics between two people can change. What may seem opposite at the beginning can become complementary over time, and vice versa.
What About Sexual Attraction?
According to Alain Héril, psychoanalyst and sex therapist, one of the first criteria for attraction is mystery. When someone is mysterious, we feel the desire to approach them, find out who they are, and try to dispel this mystery. Another important criterion is admiration. Generally, admiration naturally leads to attraction. Finally, the person we are sexually attracted to is someone who makes us feel beautiful, someone who gives us the impression, or even the illusion, that when we are with them, we are at our best and showing the best of ourselves. Ultimately, what we may be seeking in the other is a piece of ourselves?
What comes to mind on this topic? What attracts you to others? If you have a partner, what particularly attracted you to that person?
Photo © Adobe – Author: Santijago
Editor, 01/18/2024
