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"We asked our relationship expert, psychotherapist Dr. Stefan Woinoff. The comprehensive interview in 5 parts.
Here, we ask Dr. Woinoff new questions each week about topics related to dating, love, and relationships and share his answers and valuable tips for those seeking a new partner.
50plus-Club: Dr. Woinoff, why do many women over 50 find it hard to find a partner?
Most women over 50 have a very clear idea of what they want in a partner, and their list of criteria can be quite extensive, which can sometimes impact their success rates. They are demanding when it comes to choosing a new partner who is expected to play a significant role in their lives. However, they also bring a lot to the table (see below). Therefore, I find it appropriate that women over 50 wish for a partner who matches them intellectually and in attractiveness.
Often, they also desire a partner who is roughly the same age or slightly older, just as they did when they were younger. Unfortunately, women over 50 still face image issues and are sometimes seen by older men as less attractive, which does not align with the reality of today's women over 50, who typically exude a different kind of charm and youthfulness compared to the generation before them. In fact, women over 50 can even have surprisingly good chances with slightly younger men who no longer adhere to old stereotypes.
However, men over 50 do indeed have a larger pool of potential partners. This is not necessarily because they prefer younger women. They usually seek partners who are about 10 years younger or a few years older than themselves. In contrast, women prefer partners who are roughly the same age or up to 10 years older. Both genders, broadly speaking, search within a 10-year age range that complements each other. So, success rates should be somewhat equal.
The difference lies elsewhere: for men, the societal status of a woman hardly matters, while women usually seek men who are on par with or above them in terms of social status. Since many women over 50 have already achieved a certain level of social status, many men are ruled out as potential partners, even if the woman no longer needs a "provider." Fortunately, there is a growing trend in online dating towards greater openness among women, particularly when it comes to a man's status.
50plus-Club: What makes women over 50 particularly attractive?
Many women over 50 maintain their physical attractiveness, stay active and fit, and take care of their youthful appearance. If they choose to use beauty industry services, they do so in a subtle and appropriate manner, which enhances their appearance discreetly but ultimately rejuvenates them.
They are often in the workforce, may have already established a career, are intelligent, educated, and engaging conversationalists. They are usually financially independent. While they can be demanding in terms of status, manners, education, and the sophistication of their potential partner, they are not overly picky or arrogant, as can sometimes be the case with younger women.
Men find all these qualities attractive and appealing.
A friendly smile and a relaxed personality are usually far more important to most men (not just those over 50) in their partner than flawless skin and a perfect body. Many women over 50 understand this and don't let themselves be driven to obsession with enhancements. Instead, they focus on their health and figure in a balanced and reasonable way.
They can enjoy fun times, celebrate joyously, and spend sensual moments, but they can also discuss serious issues and engage in discussions about global events while sharing new insights.
In both the realm of romantic partners and as sparring partners, they are an ideal choice.
50plus-Club: And what are men over 50 looking for?
Not all men over 50 want the same thing. In their search for a partner, they typically don't seek a woman with whom they can have children. On the contrary, most men over 50 rule out younger women who wish to have children. They either have children from previous relationships or feel too old to become fathers for the first time. Therefore, women in their mid-40s or older who no longer wish to have (more) children have a significant advantage over these men.
Usually, emotional criteria take precedence for men, just as they do for many women over 50: Can I laugh and spend quality time with this woman, embracing sensuality and sexuality without stress? Do we share common interests, and does this woman allow me the freedom to pursue my own interests with other people? Does my new partner accept my paternal bond with my children without emotionally competing with them?
Most men want their new partner to enrich and complement their lives rather than making significant, long-lasting changes. However, they may also want to try something new in their relationship with their new partner, something they may not have had time or opportunity for in the past. In this case, as a man, you not only have a new partner, but you can also experience yourself in a somewhat "new" way within the relationship with her.
An improved standard of living is not something most men hope to achieve through their new partner."
Photo: (c) Dr. med. Stefan Woinoff, Specialist in Psychosomatic Medicine and Psychotherapy
Editor, 09/28/2023
